Can't Stop Laughing

This has to be the funniest fucking commercial I have ever seen, ight I pumped it but yo everytime fatty comes on the TV with this shit I die laughing, I'm talking lol smiley face roflcopter type laughing. Poor dude is doing fuckin Radioshack commercials now... shame shame fuckin shame, oh well at least shit is od funny.

WTF Happened To.....

OK so wtf happened to great television shows...Everything is reality TV, which I don't have a problem with but over saturation is never cool....every show on TV is just contest about who can sing, who's the fattest or who can live in a house for 6 weeks....like come on bring back the sitcoms like Thunder in Paradise (this show was od cheesy but as a kid it was the shit), Hercules, Knight Rider. We also need shows with live studio audiences like Fresh Prince and Full House. Times are just not the same. The shows now a days are good just not great. Don't get me wrong some shit out there is cool but can be better. That's just how I feel....Television come back!!!!




Closed Captions Brought To You By,
Drizzy Brother Studios

2nd Grader Gets In Trouble For Drawing Jesus?

(Must be a psycho to draw this right???)

Driving into work I hear this fucking story, and it got me tight. Some 2nd grader in Taunton, Mass was told to draw something that reminded him of Christmas. So the little shit drew this picture. See something worth sending the kid home and undergo psychiatric evaluation? Cuz I sure as hell don't. Then I find out hes a special need student. And you know what, it still doesn't make any fucking sense. The kid drew X's in Jesus eyes cuz hello Jesus is dead. Your not going to hang from the cross dead with your eyes open. Smart kid if you ask me. Dudes pops was furious and the whole situation fucked with the kid so much that they had to put him in another school. Good job teacher, good shit fucking with the head of a 8 yr old. I mean yeah, the normal thing is to draw Santa, xmas tree, anything other then Jesus on a cross but its not wrong either. I dont know, I feel like this is bullshit and that teacher should be fired for this bullshit. Poor kid.

Mr. Samberg Once Again....

HAHAHA that's all I have to say....This guy is a fucking clown....watch for yourself:



This Is Saturday Night!!!!!!
Shy Drizzy

Dat Dude Of The Week...(Week of December 14th)

So sticking to the script of the holiday spirit here at AppleBeans I would like honor my boy with the red nose who helped guide that sled one foggy Christmas night.....Although most of the reindeer called him names he stood strong and managed to be the man so boof Prancer and Blitzen and Cupid and Vixen,..Ya have nothing on my boy Rudolph....So Mr. Red Nose Reindeer please come get your award and continue to shine on.....





Going Down In Historyyyyy,
Drizzolph The Red Nose Reindeer

WTF Happened To.....

Almost a new year so we going to start a new feature here on apple-beans. WTF happened to is a segment where well we ask wtf happened to a certain anything(celebrity, tv show, song, etc.). So let's start this off with...................

Corey fucking Matthews. Dude went from smashing big titty Tapenga to ? idk. All I know is that this dude was the man. I fucked with Boy Meets World OD OD OD. Now I don't even know if this dude still exists. I know last year there was speculation that he died from boozing n cruisin but that was false, almost came to tears when I read that. Has anyone seen him or seen something he has been in in the last I don't know, x amount of years that they ended boy meets world?? Fuckin Corey, all he wanted was hair like Sean..

Let's Talk Johnny Law....

Listen here Johnny Law, I'm sick and fuckin tired of the speed limit on highways being 65 fuckin mph. It's pretty fuckin ridiculous to me at this point. We all know that about 99% of people driving in highways do NOT go 65mph. So why play dumb and leave it there? Raise that shit up to like 80. 65 should be the minimum that mufuckas drive in the highway. I just don't see the point at all in leaving at 65. Trips would be much shorter in time, people wouldn't drive like such burgers, and we would achieve world peace all at once. FUCK Johnny, it's time for a change son.

Donde Esta La Biblioteca?

Don't sleep on this show yall, shit is od funny. Thursday nights on NBC is the REAL DEAL.

Wowzers!!!!

This lady is lucky as shit. What the fuck is up with the Boston transit system yo?!?!?!



Safe to say the dude responsible for making sure everyone is in the train and not stuck in the door is now unemployed....maybe these other conductors won't move a train with people hanging on the outside. But let me not put all the blame on the conductor because that lady is partially at fault I bet that will teach her a lesson in not rushing. Thank God you're alive.

All Aboard/Or Not,
Conductor Drizzy

Greatness!!!!

I highly doubt I am the only that thinks this but sandwiches are the greatest thing to ever grace this Earth. Thanks to sliced bread and cold cuts or wateva that fits in between those slices of bread we have the greatest meal in the history of meals. So easy and quick to make, so delicious to eat. I fucking LOVE sandwiches. I think it goes back to being a kid and going on school trips I would get my ham and cheese on a roll and a juice and I would be set. I damn sure knew that the paper bag was not going to hold me back from destroying that sandwich. Sorry just had to vent. Let me know what you think about sandwiches cuz as you can see I love em....I personally believe that sandwiches can end wars plain and simple fuck a dove and an olive branch and all that talk....sandwiches can make people friends. Bring sandwiches to Israel or Palestine (which ever you prefer) and let's see them settle everything.



Ham & Cheese On A Roll Please,
Drizzy the Delicatessen

Dat Chick Of The Week..(Week of December 7th)

So as I stated last week this little award we give out every week here at AppleBeans will revolve around the whole theme of Christmas.....Last week my dude Scrooge got it and this week we have to give big ups to the lady that keeps the fat guy up north happy. So shout out goes to Mrs. Claus....Although it seems you keep the man starving every year cuz he eats up all our milk and cookies (not cool)....but wateva keep up the good work and making sure all the elf and reindeer are in check....AppleBeans appreciate all the good work....





Naughty & Nice,
DrizzleToe

Tiger Woods Remix Lmao

lmfaooo hahahahhahahhaha ahhahahaahhahahhah man this guy is straight BEAT. Well thats what happens when your a dumbass.

Ms. Argentina Dies After Butt Surgery?!?

Well its a sad sad day when a woman dies after trying to better society. I mean lets face it, no one likes a flat ass, and as Ms. Argentina she went out of her way to set an example, to set the tone if you will. Unfortunately something went wrong, REALLY wrong. Females take this a lesson, your ass is NEVERRRR and I mean NEVER good enough. Its a sad sad fucking day in history I tell ya. RIP Ms. Argentina, a true soldier for life.
Click here for article.

Take 'Em Back

Let's enter the time machine real quick and go back to our childhood and tell me this wasn't the shit back in the day...Everyone was doing this dance and don't front....No I'm not talking abt MC Hammer or Vanilla Ice even thou I bumped that shit....I'm talking abt my homie Steve Urkel and the Urkel Dance.....Do the Urr Urr Urr Urkel....wow peep O-Dawg aka Larenz Tate before Dead Presidents....crazy when you see actors back in the day.




Did I Do That?
Drizz Urkel

Booty Pop!!!!

Aww man chicks are gonna be deceiving men until the end of humanity this is nonsense....Booty Pop panties really?!?!?!? Listen if you don't have a butt so what don't fake the funk with this piece of shit.....what's gonna happen when you abt to get it popping (no pun intended) are you gonna be like don't grab my ass cuz its only padding. Fuck that if you don't have a butt maybe you were not meant to have one so let your natural ass handle everything for you.....This is so stupid...peep dude when the chick walks by lmao that is every man in the world I swear....



Big Booty Hoes,
Drizzy Pop

Dat Dude of The Week..(Week of November 30th)

Don't know who to pick this week, let me think let me think.....With this being the month of holiday cheer and all and Christmas breathing down our necks....The next 4 weeks of this great month will be dedicated to Christmas and those who are associated with it.....So this week I'm gonna go with my boy Ebenezer Scrooge.....This guy had to deal with ghosts, you can't win against ghosts so this is why he gets the nod for DDOW....Tiny Tim sorry you were a close second but Scrooge was able to get a spin off show called Duck Tales you on the other hand got a cooked goose for Christmas....So Mr. Scrooge come get your award homie.....






Bah Humbug,
Drizenezer Scrooge

Dat Chick Of The Month (Month of November)

So another month has ended meaning someone needs to get honored here at AppleBeans....So with November being the month where thanks is given....why not big up someone we should thank everyday.....Moms!!!! Yea yea they get Mother's day, everyday should be Mother's day.....so fuck off, anyway go out there and give your mom dukes a hug a kiss and tell her you love her. Big ups to all the Mothers out there we wouldn't be here without ya so thank you and please take this award with honor...yea even you Octomom & maybe even you too pregnant man because technically you are a mom in a man's body after surgery....










MILF Hunting,
Drizzy Drama

Gobble Gobble

Happy Thanksgiving yall from the applebeans fam.... We are thankful for all yall who visit the site and show us love, please dont stop or else that purple half iguana half chimp in your closet will slap the dog shit out of you. But for real enjoy this day with the family, and dont take these times for granted. Nothing beats chilling out with family and friends.

Leave a comment with some shit that you are thankful for, its good to chill out and reflect on the good we have surrounding us.

Happy Holidays!
- Applebeans fam

Dude Gets Busy On The Bike

MYYY MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNN! AY YOOO this shit was straight wild. I wonder how many L's he took before he actually nailed them shits down? Either way it dont matter because this dude can straight out freak it on the bike. Dude rode a fucking picket fence damnet! WILD

Shorty Is Not That Short....

Wow yo check this gigantic chick out, shorty is like 7'12" nuts....I have one question fellas....would you take it down?


If she wasn't a man?
Nah she's no dude but she's a hugggggggggeeeeeeee biiiiiitttttcccccchhhhhhh.....



Shorter Than Your Average Model,
Drizzy Giant

Dat Dude Of The Week...(Week of November 23rd)

Well Well Well.....another week and another award. This week an actual person is not involved but an actual country....Only the ballin ass ballers go here just to drive their whips and pet their neighbor's lion. Every house is a mansion and every car is at least $500,000. They currently have the tallest building in the world yes tallest at a whopping 2,648 ft. known as The Burj Dubai. One day I shall go there and do big things with the Prince's that own oil companies and sport teams...one day....anyway Duabi congrats you are the first piece of land to get our coveted award...enjoy







Here are some pics of the minor precipitation that's going on out there:









Balling,
Prince Drizifa al Mubarak

Grandma going INN!

Like I say time and time again there is nothing cuter then grandmothers dancing techno. I mean how G is it to be 90hundred and bust out wild moves like that. I guarantee some techno freak is going to make a dance called the granny....... or maybe i will... fuck it

Beast Might Be An Understatement

Have I ever said how much of a problem this man is in the video below.....He does this at will...it's nothing for this guy to just take any song and make his version of it with his drumset. Just maybe one of the best drummers of all time and since I didn't grow up listening to rock music and not knowing that many drummers he's my numero uno....so Mr. Barker you are the man yo....and that is all....



Drum Roll Please,
Drizzy Barker

Week 10 NFL Reactions...

- Belichik has balls. BIG, WEIRD, QUESTIONABLE, NOT TRUSTING YOUR DEFENENSE balls. Need to murder the Jets to make up for that kind of a loss. But on the plus the pats showed they can clearly beat the colts so thats a plus.
- Mike Turner getting hurt in the 1st half (after he ran for 110) really fucked the falcons. Carolina still sucks to me.
- Oh ye last Thurs there was a football game, and in that game Cutler threw for 5 yup i said it 5 intos. All of them were possibly the worst throws i have ever seen. 9ers get the W.
- Cutler got hurt after hooking up with B.Marshall twice in the first half and the broncos have now lost 3 in a row. Shocked? pssh
- THE BENGALS ARE REAL. Just ask the Steelers.
- Ahhh the Jets suck. There I said it.
- Vikings beat the Lions. Nuff said.
- Miami squeeked by Tampa but Ronnie went out with an ankle injury. Hopefully he gets better asap (got him on both fantasy teams damnet)
- Saints got a big scare from the Steven Jackson Rams but nontheless 9-0.
- Packers almost shut out the cowboys... od wild inconsistent... BOTH teams


Papa P's Power Rankings:
1. Saints 2. Colts 3. Vikings 4. Bengals 5. Pats

Is This Real?

ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm????????? HUH?

Dat Chick Of The Week...(Week of November 16th)

Happy Monday world....so as another week begins here at the Beans we must shout someone out....I haven't did anything for the ladies in a while so this week is dedicated to ya and for NY....She's bad first and foremost (that maybe an understatement)...can sing her ass off, she got a donk which seems to get bigger (check out old pics and then look at recent pics)....and she can play a mean piano.....So let's hear it for NY, cuz she's has a mindstate that's very Empire-ish.....So Ms. A Keys come get your award. You've been doing your thing for a minute now and never get the proper props shall I say.....Congrats you deserve it..






PS...Swizzy you one lucky dude homie.


Woman's Worth,
Drizz Keys

DWADE IS AN ALIEN

Seriously I feel bad for Brazil. You send someone over to the US to play in the NBA and this is the shit he does? Straight embarrassment to his country and to his family. I mean in his defense it ISSSS DWADE but you should fucking know better. Even this guy Bron Bron was topping Dwade off, "Probably top 10 dunk of all time"..... UUFFF straight suckage... you better recognize son especially after your the reason why your teammate got banged on in the first place. smh. Oh well, at least the little ones in Rio de Janeiro have a nice poster of their hometown hero. HERB haha.

NFL Week 9 Reactions...

- Pats playing better week by week. Once Fred Taylor comes back the team will be 100% and dangerous. Big game coming up on Sunday night vs the Colts. Should be a doooooozy.
- Cuse representing Tanard Jackson had a big pick 6 late as TB shocked/slaped GB in the dick. No idea what to say about the packers. Such a question mark team.
- Jags beat the Chiefs. who cares. Both arent doing shit.
- ATL stomped down on the losers of the NFL (skins'). They'll be in the playoffs for years to come.
- Kurt Warner went IN. Dude said booof them 341582intos i threw last week. 5TDs later, Zona smacked up the bum ass Bears.
- Well Cincy keeps proving week by week that they are not fucking around. 17-7 grinder against the ravens has them sitting pretty in the AFC North. Just have to worry about the Steelers this Sunday.
- Colts got a a scare this week with the Texans. A missed a FG to send to over time fucked it all up for Houston. Dallas Clark is the best TE in football. Whether its cause of Peyton or not, he is a monster.
- Seahawks smacked the Lions. Again, who cares.
- Panthers were up early but couldnt contain that Saints offense. 8-0 chillin.
- GMEN caughed up their 4th straight loss losing to the Chargers. It's going to be hard for them to make the playoffs, especially with their defense playing so poorly. Give credit to Rivers and Co. kept their poise and drove down the field to win with under a minute left.
- 49ers started the season tough, now they just losing for no reason. Titans won their 2nd straight under Vincent as QB.....no comment.
- Cowboys back on top the NFC east with a nice victory over the Eagles. Good ass game. Romo played well and so did the D.
- Broncos starting to show alot of flaws after starting 6-0. Hard to beat the Steelers when they are clicking on all levels though.


Papa P's Power Rankings:
1. Saints 2. Colts 3. Vikings 4. Steelers 5. Pats/Bengals/Cowboys

Justin Tells J.Biel What's Good.

Soooo I read here that JT basically told Jess Biel that he still wants to smash but wants to be able to smash other shorties. Seems fair to me. Want to know why it's fair? Because she fucking agreed to it. ::clap clap:: well done Jess. Setting the tone for all ladies out there on how to handle a break "but fuck" up. What a life this dude lives huh? Dude gets to pipe out one of the baddest chicks out there and still has the balls to say you ain't good enough. I mean that's what he's saying right? Has to be, why else would you break off with other shorties when you got HER! Kudos JT, Kudos.

Lucky Ass

Talk about dodging death. Homegirl is lucky she didnt get fried let alone getting discombobulated. How twisted was this bitch? I guess when your that drunk train tracks start looking like mattresses and shit. I mean it must, cuz I've been pretty saucey before but clearly not that sauced up, thats a whole other level right there. Good thing those heads where there to wave the train down yo because that would've been the ugliest video known to mankind. I guess miracles do exist.

Happy Birthday Sesame Street

So today is Sesame Street's 40th birthday....Looks like classics can always stand the test of time so here is a mini shout out to my homie Big Bird, the forever high Snuffaluffagus, the mean but real Oscar, the puppet version of the odd couple Bert & Ernie, everyone's favorite Elmo, of course Grover, greedy ass Cookie Monster & the dude that knows his numbers/pimp of the show Count Dracula.....Thanks for everything you taught me as a kid and hopefully will teach my kids one day....Happy 40th gang....





How To Get To Sesame Street,
Drizz Henson

NBA All Star Voting!!!!

Hey as soon as the NBA All Star ballot cracks I would like everyone to be active and vote for the best center in the West. Since Yao is out and Shaq is in the East no one else can fill the void.....Yes he is on the Lakers but he's not Pau Gasol, he is the black belt by the name of Ilunga-Mbenga Didier a.k.a DJ Mbenga a.k.a Congo Cash.....dude is a beast...please let's crash the all star game and make this shit a laugher.....If we must we will add him to the ballot....this is all abt the fans so let's make the all star game something we want to see and that's DJ Mbenga starting at Center....





Here's his highlight reel....


Mbenga 4 President,
Drizzy Mbenga

Funny Shit

I fucking love this movie and I feel like they could have kept these scenes in it....I piss my pants every time....and if you haven't seen Step Brothers I suggest you go handle that ASAP....











It's the Catalina Wine Mixer!!!!

Boats & Hoes,
Drizz Farrell

Sammy Sosa????

WTF happened to Sammy Sosa....I don't want to hear this shit about skin rejuvenation. Why the hell is your skin this color...I guess this is what using roids and not being allowed within a 2 mile radius of Cooperstown will do to ya.....If you can't beat em join em right Sammy....don't forget you are still Dominican no matter what you do to ur skin homie....haha fucking idiot.

Before:


After:


Read Me

P.S. His wife can get it & doesn't he look like Eddie Murphy in Vampire in Brooklyn in that first pic?

Tanning It Up,
Drizzy Sosa

Dat Dude Of The Week...(Week of November 9th)

So this well deserved award here at AppleBeans should go to a well deserved person or persons or team shall I say. As a fan of excellence I have to shout these guys out. Fresh off their 27th title most in professional sports Dat Dude/Dudes of the Week goes to the New York Yankees. OK you caught me I am a die hard Yankee fan....but they do deserve their props. Best record in baseball and they won the title not many teams do that ever since the addition of the wild card. O and how about that dude A-Rod....he went from steroid admission to close to carrying the squad throughout the playoffs. Fuck all the A-Rod haters plain and simple. Jeter is Jeter what more can I say....Pettitte did his thing in the playoffs as usual...Mo is the best closer of all time...I said this from day 1 that I love this team and they did this together and I cannot say enough about our squad and their never die mentality....So let's hear it for New York, New York, New York. You guys had a great season and you won the title congrats....let's go for numero 28.








P.S. The parade was bonkers I want to say at least 2 million heads easily...never saw that many Yankee hats in one location in my life....let's do it again next year haha.....

Empire State of Mind,
Drizz Steinbrenner

Quick Predictions

The texans will beat the colts today... thats right I said it.
Pats win big. Sorry wildcat.
Giants will get burned by the secondary. Chargers win.
Cowboys will beat the eagles.

happy sunday sucka ass suckas

Dat Dude Of The Week...(Week of November 2nd)

I know I know I'm slacking over here I have no idea what's going on but I have to at least post DDOW. I have no idea who should get the well known award this week.....hmmmmmm.....I think I have someone....Sean Combs you got it homie....He just started a new season of his reality show I Wanna Work For Diddy. Shouts to VH1, give us a show son!!! Diddy is always making sure his name is out there. One rich mother fucker that's only getting richer. So Mr. Combs please come get your award...




Can't Stop Won't Stop,
P. Drizzy

NFL Week 8 Reactions....

- Houston won but found themself in a RB dilemma. Mr.Fumble alot Slaton couldve fucked himself big time fumbling so much... Probably will be splitting carries with Brown and Moats... smh
- Cleveland continues to get worse somehow. Chicago needed that win od.
- Dallas smacked Seatttle but they need to develop a better running game. Especially with a RB like Barber.
- HURRRAYY Rams!!! Steve Jackson is a fuckin beast.
- Woah woah woah.... you mean Peyton threw for 300+ and didnt throw a TD pass??? and they won??? Almost 49ers, almost.
- Special teams is just as important as offense and defense... just ask the Jets. Ted Ginn went in on them... twice. What a overhyped fuckin team the Jets are/were.
- Speaking of overhyped, whats good with the Giants? Secondary THAT bad?? To get blown the fuck out like that? 3 L's in a row is a baaaadddd look.
- Welcome back to earth Denver. Lack of offense will be the reason the Broncos dont win their division. Yup, I said it. Good luck with Pitt next week.
- Jacksonville is buns. 228yds for C.Johnson was light work for him. Hmmm and did the Titans get a W with Vincent Young as QB?? hmmmm took em long enough to realize Kerry wasnt going to cut it.
- I dont know how the Chargers struggled with the Raiders but they got a Dub. An ugly one, but a dub nontheless.
- Carolina went in early. Fell off in the 2nd half but still made Warner look like a pop warner qb throwing 546456465356233216778 interceptions. Step it up grandpa.
- Well, the Vikings are really really REAL. D line is serious, offense gets it fucking done. Favre went into his old throne and went in. 4tds. Bad 1st half for GB really set the tone. Made a rally in the 3rd but not enough.
- Saints are od. Period.

Papa P's Power Ranking:
1. Saints 2. Colts 3. Vikings 4. Broncos 5. Pats

Get It Off My Chest....

Fuck Al Sharpton.....That's all I had to say.

Dat Dude Of The Month (Month of October)

So Happy Belated Halloween fuckers and fuckettes....It's the end of the month meaning yet another award has to be given out here at AppleBeans. So with Halloween being two days ago why not go with a real life goblin. This guy once again is approaching Hip-Hop's top spot which he held down when he was constantly on his grind. He seems to be back on that grind once again dropping his newest mixtape No Ceilings, which I highly recommend if you want to listen to the dude go in continuously. With no further delay may I present to you Dwayne Michael Carter, Weezy F, Lil' Wayne....



For Your Listening Pleasure:




Hey Mr. Carter,
Drizzy F. Baby